“Council Meeting”

Production Notes:

In “Council Meeting” the issue of the institution of the ‘city council’ is explored and lampooned, and we are introduced to the ‘alternate’ Corpus Christi City Council. This episode also finishes the story arc that involved Reggie Parkinson’s “bisexuality issue.” This was posted on the on December 18, 2003 at the Eric Von Wade Website.

The action opens in the familiar kitchen scene where Douglas has taken a personal day from school to attend a city council meeting with Councilman Reggie Parkinson. Perhaps as a clue to Parkinson’s loneliness, we find that he makes up excuses to intrude on the McKillyous. In order not to offend sitting Councilmen of the ‘actual’ Corpus Christi City Council, a legal disclaimer follows the opening narration. Additionally the “Hey, what was that for?” catch phrase appears rather early in the episode, this time after Douglas makes an off color joke about Honey’s bust line.

Act I deals mostly with the set up for the council meeting, but we are introduced to the fact that Honey and Douglas haven’t been on a real honeymoon. Reggie makes a reference to his sexual encounter with Mrs. Wunderkind and Trixie is informed that Yvonne, from the bank, was promoted over Honey.

Act II and III deal with the process of the City Council Meeting. Pastor Gilbert Glenn, who makes his first talking appearance, offers a rather LIBERAL prayer. The roll call of officers is also read and we are introduced to Douglas’ nemesis, Councilman Percival “Percy” Willow. Willow is establish as a liberal almost from the get go and is later revealed to actually be a “bisexual,” who is trying to spark some kind of liberal revolution in Corpus Christi. The meeting ends when Mayor Floyd Freely disburses the meeting, which is a clear violation of the procedure that he was quite animate about a few lines back.

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KEYS RADIO SCRIPT # 2314
Dec. 18, 2003

One Night in Corpus Christi
“Council Meeting”
Written by Capt J.E. Carrales, III

ACT I
(Opening Organ Music Theme Song)

Narrator: "RADIO STATION KEYS proudly presents the ERIC VON WADE RADIO DRAMA HOUR... (music swells) brought to you by the South Texas Society for the Logically Challenged.

(Applause…)

But, First…a bit of legalese, characters portrayed in this and all installments of “One Night in Corpus Christi” are intended as satire of general concepts and do not reflect the personality of any person living and deceased. The actions, thoughts, words, behaviors and personalities are completely fictitious and should be read as so. Any resemblance to any person living or deceased is entirely coincidental and unintended.

(Organ music swells)

NARRATOR: “And the dawn of another day in Corpus Christi sees that paragon of humanity, Douglas McKillyou, and his lovely wife Honey, entering the familiar confines of their kitchen. Additionally, the sun also finally rises on the Corpus Christi City Hall. Today Reggie Parkinson, neighbor and City Councilman, must answer to charges of his… alleged lifestyle. Just for those who have been living under a rock, an “Award Winning” newspaper article was printed based on a rumor that Reggie Parkinson was a flaming bisexual. A rumor inadvertently started by our hero.

Honey: “You know, I don’t want to seem like one of those pushy wives, but it is already 8:30 and you haven’t left for the school yet!”

Douglas: “(sarcastically)…and your point is?”

Honey: “Your already in trouble with your boss, do you want to get fired? After all, without your high paying job I have no reason to say with a creep like you.”

Douglas: “Well, don’t let that stop you. I’ve only got two reason’s why I hammer it out with you…and eventually gravity will finally WIN!”

(LOUD SLAP)

Douglas: “Hey, what was that for?”

Honey: “Breast Cancer Awareness!”

(Knock)

Reggie Parkinson: “Hey you two, what’s the good word?” (applause)

Honey: “Divorce!”

Douglas: “Nah, that’s not the good word. The good word is “SEA HAG!”

Reggie Parkinson: “Now, Now you two! If I’ve told you a thousand times… your lucky to have each other.”

Douglas: “Reggie, that’s a confirmed bachelor’s opinion.”

Reggie Parkinson: “Well, yes…but I’m sane enough to give marriage the benefit of the doubt.”

Douglas: “Yeah, me too…but I doubt there are any benefits.”

Reggie Parkinson: “That might be true, but is sure beats being alone. (moping) I makes me so sad to see you two sparring like two Mike Tysons, while I continue my search for a bride. Ho-hum, and this 'bisexualality' rumor is not helping any either. By the way, can I borrow your restroom?”

Honey: “Sure? What’s wrong with yours?”

Reggie Parkinson: “Nothing really. It’s next door, and I am over here.”

Douglas: “Reggie…Reggie…Reggie, you are an enigma.”

Reggie Parkinson: “Nah…I don’t need all that…I just have to pee!” (laughs)

Honey: “Well, you haven’t answered my question.”

Douglas: “Honey, I took a personal day off from work. Reggie asked me to go support him at the Council meeting. Plus, Principal Dumples has been on my back all week and I need a well deserved break from him…and the students.”

Honey: “Ha! For Reggie you take a personal day at the drop of a hat. May, I remind you that after over five years of marriage the best you have done for me in way of a honeymoon was a drive down to Kingsville and a roll in the backseat of your 1981 Pontiac Bonneville at Dick Kleberg Park!”

Douglas: “You know we are saving, I going to take you on a cruise someday.”

(knock)

Trixie Walker: “Hello, what’s all the ruckus?” (applause)

Douglas: “Your friend here, my wife, is being unreasonable because her rival, Yvonne, was promoted above her at the bank.”

Honey: “Shut up, that’s not it. At least it wasn’t I that nearly ruined the promising political career of my best friend and neighbor.”

Trixie Walker: “Well, we kind of had a hand in it too.”

Honey: “You, shut up too. Whose side are you on anyway?”

Trixie Walker: “No one’s, I’m just being objective that’s all.”

Douglas: “Oh man, you had to remind me about all that. I’ve been feeling so guilty and losing so much sleep over this. My best friend is going to fry before the City Council and may never again be able to even hold the position of municipal dogcatcher. You know, I’m going to tell him everything; about the misunderstanding...and about your gossip habits. I’m going to come clean.”

Honey: “Just do us the favor of becoming St. Douglas after we leave.”

Douglas: “Alright, cowards, I wait until were alone.”

Reggie Parkinson: (entering the room) “Well, just four hours or so before the meeting. Hey, Ms. Walker I didn’t hear you come in.

Trixie Walker: “Oh, Mr. Parkinson, you know you can call me Trixie.”

Reggie Parkinson: “Sure thing! Well, Doug, I’m off to the office. I’ll pick you up in a few hours and we’ll…talk about something that happened to me yesterday.”

Douglas: “Hey, aren’t you going to stay here? I have something I need to get off my chest.”

Reggie Parkinson: “Sorry, Douglas, I have to pick up some flowers for my secretary. By the way, do you girls know if J.C. Penny’s ever has a two-day sale?”

(Applause and transitional music)

Act II

NARRATOR: The hours pass quite slowly for Douglas and much more expediently for Reggie. But soon Councilman Parkinson and our hero take South Padre Island Drive with a quick jump to the Crosstown Expressway in the direction of Corpus Christi’s City Hall. Doug is somewhat concerned that he had to take a personal day to support his friend and city councilman, but he feels obligated since it was he and his wife that are responsible for Mr. Parkinson’s being labeled a bisexual in the newspaper. Sadly, the opportunity never seems to be right for Douglas to clear the air with his friend. Now the two must face the Corpus Christi City Council. Let's listen in on the proceedings, shall we....

(sound of a busy council room)

Mayor Floyd Freely: (one gavel hit) “O.K. People, lets call this thing to order”

(people continue to talk)

Mayor Floyd Freely: (louder pounding with gavel) “Alright, folks, keep it down so we can get started.”

(people STILL continue to talk)

Mayor Floyd Neely: (Yelling) “DAMN IT! SHUT UP ALREADY!”
(people settle down)

Mayor Floyd Freely: (calmer) “Damn, that’s enough. What’s wrong with you people? (pausing sound of shuffling papers) I hereby call this meeting of the Corpus Christi City Council to order. Pastor Glenn, please begin our invocation.”

Pastor Glenn: (sound of getting out of chair) “Eh-hem (clearing throat) (sound of people rising) Heavenly Father, (subdued) or Mother, we ask that you help us here today to do the best job we can for the people of Corpus Christi… (pause) And though you may or may not exist, we ask that you not interfere in our proceedings so that we might respect the solemn concepts of the separation of church and state. We ask this in our own name…Amen.”

(unison Amen’s from others)

Mayor Floyd Freely: (calm) “Thank you, Reverend. The city secretary will now read the role call of officers.”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “Hey, wait! What about the Pledge of Allegiance? We always say it before the meetings begin.”

Councilman Percy Willow: (annoying and with a stereotypically gay voice)“You know very well, Councilperson Kubrick that the Pledge of Allegiance is in clear violation of our civil rights and that we are not saying it until The Court makes a ruling.”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (calm) “Thank you, Councilwoman Kubrick and Councilman Willow...now shut up so we can continue the roll call. Secretary Chapman…continue please…”

City Secretary Chapman: “Will the following persons acknowledge their presence by saying the word “present,” those that are absent indicate by saying the words “not present.” Honorable Mayor Floyd Freely …”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (calm) “Present!”

City Secretary Chapman: “Bisexual Mayor Pro Tem Councilman Reginald T. Parkinson.”

Reggie Parkinson: “What?”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (calm) “Mr. Parkinson please answer as instructed.”

Reggie Parkinson: “But, he said…”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (annoyed) “Mr. Parkinson, this City Council is the City's Legislative body and is composed of the Mayor, one Member from each of the five Districts, and three At-Large Members. The citizens of Corpus Christi elect each to a two-year term. Despite your sexual preferences you must answer to those citizens! So, please answer as instructed.”

Reggie Parkinson: “Present!”

City Secretary Chapman: “Councilman Percival Willow…”

Councilman Percy Willow: “It’s Councilperson!”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (annoyed) “Mr. Willow!”

Councilman Percy Willow: “Sorry! Present!”

City Secretary Chapman: “Councilman…er…
Councilperson…eh…Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick…”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “Present!”

City Secretary Chapman: “Councilman William Kellogg…”

Councilman William Kellogg: “Present!”

City Secretary Chapman: “Councilmen Geoffrey Loyola, Mathew Scotch and Sam Canales …”

Loyola, Scotch and Canales: (in relative unison) “Here!”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (annoyed) “Excellent work Mr. Chapman, group rates. No one can say that the Corpus Christi City Council is inefficient! Well, before I announce the executive sessions and we begin the dispensation of city business I move we table all other actions until well can resolve the very wobbly Parkinson ISSUE.”

Councilman Percy Willow: “I move we begin open discussion on the sexuality of Councilman Parkinson!”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (annoyed) “Do I here a second...”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “I second the motion!”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (annoyed) “Thank you Councilwoman Kubrick…all in favor say aye...”

(all but Reggie Parkinson say aye in strong voices)

Mayor Floyd Freely: (annoyed) “…all opposed....”

Reggie Parkinson: (very weak) “nay.”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (annoyed) Alright, the floor’s open for discussion. The chair recognizes Councilwoman Kuprick…”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “I find Mr. Parkinson’s lifestyle to be an outrageous perversion of nature and nature’s God. I Have a petition here from nearly 100 thousand angry citizens protesting Mr. Parkinson’s “at large” position who claim that they voted him under false pretenses. They demand an immediate resignation, or a swift recall election.”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (annoyed) “What of it, Parkinson? Are you a sexual deviant?”

Reggie Parkinson: “Well, Sir…I…”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “We cannot have this continued tension between Mr. Parkinson and the council. He represents the personification of division and has caused instability in this community. Parkinson shakes us all to the core! True he has no control over these actions, but his pulsating ills represent a threat to the foundation of this city.”

Reggie Parkinson: “I just want to say that I’ve never…”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: (finishing Parkinson’s sentence)…...married and nurtured a family. Your lifestyle is an affront to our community!”

Reggie Parkinson: “No, it’s not…I mean I’m not…”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: The Corpus Christi Vocal Epoch printed last week that, and I quote, ‘Reginald T. Parkinson has led the life of a flaming bisexual and has made no attempt to hide it. He has been seen propositioning women and men in various parts of Corpus Christi. He maintains a relationship with a local teacher that appears to be one of just more than friends…!”

Douglas: (surprised and incredulous)“What!”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (really annoyed) “Excuse me, Sir, but you will remain quiet until recognized or you will be quieted.”

Douglas: “But, Mayor Freely, this is a blatant lie. Councilman Parkinson is not a bisexual, and even if he was, the newspaper had no right to print this story based on rumor and gossip!”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (really annoyed) “Sir, this information was printed in the newspaper and therefore must be true. Now, be quiet and wait to be called upon or I will have you expelled from these chambers!”

ACT III

NARRATOR: “What a mess our hero has now found himself in. The council continued to argue (sounds of people arguing) and raise points, the Council Chamber filled with reporters from television stations and newspapers, some “Awarding Winning” some not. In the supposed chaos, a sense of duty and obligation begin the well within our hero. His friend, Reggie, was being grilled…Doug had to come clean. Even if it meant losing his best friend and possibly a lawsuit, he had to clear the air.

Douglas: (meekly) “Ladies and Gentleman…if I could have your attention please?”

(Councilmen talking out of order and arguing)

Douglas: (louder)“Uh…Please…if I could have your attention.”

(Councilmen continue to ignore and talk)

Douglas: (loud yell) “HEY!” (all talking stops)

Mayor Floyd Freely: (extremely annoyed, possibly angry) “Listen here you, I have already warned you that you will be thrown out and held in contempt if you didn’t curb your temper.”

Douglas: “Sir, with all do respect, you people are caring on exactly like the students in my history class.”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: (insulted) “What ever do you mean, Mister…eh…?”

Douglas: “Everyone talking at the same time and not listening to each other. Just hear yourselves, how can you ever hope to win a debate if you are deaf to your opponents side. You have all come down here to roast a man for something that isn’t even true…its more like a ‘truth’ based on a rumor someone printed in the newspaper. And the name, Madam Councilwoman is Douglas Mckillyou, voter.”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “Well, Mr. McKillion…or whoever you are…what do you mean ‘based on a rumor that isn’t true?’

Douglas: “Honorable Councilmen and Women, I have known Reggie Parkinson a long time…(talk and whispers)….No, No, there you journalists go again. Assuming and adding meanings to stories that aren’t there. Perhaps if you printed facts instead of ‘truths’ you wouldn’t cause problems like this.”

(reporters whining and moaning)

Douglas: “The fact of the matter is that Councilman Parkinson is no bisexual, he is a plain simple common, yet misunderstood, womanizer.”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “It is good that you are here to defend your friend, but…where is your proof?”

Douglas: (alright) “Madam Councilwoman, this started out as a real misunderstanding. You see, I have something I have wanted to get off my chest for some time now. The rumor that Councilman Parkinson is a bisexual was started....” (interrupted)

Councilman Percy Willow: (loud, brazen and even proud) “Ha, by me! Yes, you traditionalist saps. You all elected a flaming liberated sexual creature to his council!”

(Scoffs and disbelieve, commotion)

Mayor Floyd Freely: (Angry) (raps of a gavel) “Order, I want order in this council chamber!” (talking)

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “Willow, how could you do this? You pervert!”

Councilman Percy Willow: (again loud, brazen and even proud) “I did it as a test balloon, to see if someone could ply my lifestyle in the open as it should be. Every person in this city needs to lose his or her hang-ups about sex; my victory in the last election is the first step toward a sexually liberated Corpus Christi! Ha!”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “Mayor Freely! Do something? I would like to withdraw my statements from the minutes and apply them to this…this…(stumbling for words)”

Douglas: (confused) “…depraved individual?”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “Exactly…”

Councilman Percy Willow: (defiant) “Do what you will, the people of Corpus Christi will all still be known as the first city, not on the west coast, to have elected an openly bisexual city councilman! That recall will take months, and in that time hordes of people from the west will flock to this city to support me! I can see it know…a big sign...a billboard…Corpus Christi, the new San Francisco. ”

Douglas: “Oh, great! We thought we were electing a Councilman, instead we got a queen.”

Councilman Percy Willow: (defiant) “I may not get reelected, but my term will be the dawn of a new era for this area!”

Reggie Parkinson: “Well, Hell…there goes the neighborhood.”

Councilwoman Harmony Kubrick: “Councilman Willow, you will never get away with this. Our community, although high in people who call themselves Democrats, is actually very conservative…and we will fight you until the last man!”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (Angry) (raps of a gavel, podium breaks) “This meeting is over! All of you get the hell out of there, we will meet on the important issues next week.”

Councilman William Kellogg: (meekly) “Point of order, that’s not possible, Sir. You don’t have the authority to close the meeting, thats against Robert’s Rules.”

Mayor Floyd Freely: (Angry, yet calmer) “Oh, Shut up, Tony, or your doctor will be looking for that book on your colonoscopy.”

(sound of crowds shuffling out, people taking pictures)

Douglas: “C’mon, Reggie, let’s get out of here!”

Reggie Parkinson: “Yeah, I’m with you.”

(Sounds of the chaotic council chamber fades into footsteps walking in a hallway)

Reggie Parkinson: “You know, Doug, you really saved me in there. That Willow guy, what a nut? So, what was this thing you were trying to get off your chest?”

Douglas: “Oh…nothing, really, just the confirmation that the best friends are the ones who stand by you when the chips are down. Anyway I kind of knew things would turn out O.K.”

Reggie Parkinson: “Really, how?”

Douglas: “Oh, I just read this morning’s “Award Winning” newspaper that already had a story fabricated that you were going to resign. It’s just like the weather, they never get it right.”

(music swells)

NARRATOR: "Thank you and good night folks. Be sure to tune in next week to, "One Night in Corpus" as we prepare a series of spectacular Holiday episodes. And, yes, remember to patronize E. M. Balmer Funeral Home and Restaurant , People are dying to do business with us!. Have a good one, what ever that means.

(Music ends)