This page has been visited times.

“Home Invasion”

“As I walk…you know where!”

Production Notes:

O.K., there have been a lot of questions about “As I Walk…You Know Where!”  First of all the title, this is a play on a passage from the Bible.  This is a play on the 23 Psalm, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” only changed to convey the felling of the Psalm.  The play is that Douglas is forced to meet with his ultimate boss figure, the Superintendent of Schools at Corpus Christi Independent School District.  This was posted on the on January 8, 2004 at the Eric Von Wade Website. 


          The Narrator begins with a very ominous description of the C.C.I.S.D. school administration building and we are introduced to a new character in the form of Security Guard Buddy Garcia.  Garcia’s character is the living manifestation of the clause in an educators’s contract that provides them a job with the final discretion of the school.  In this case, if a teacher is hired and the position is abolished, in theory, a teacher can be forced to work as a janitor to guarantee a job position.


          Our encounter with Shelly Bowden, the antechamber secretary, is simply the “Admin Building’s” version of Marcia Mallow.  The only acceptation is that Shelly is more sadistic due to her exposure to the “Grand Administrators” of the school.


          All in all, the Superintendent, Omar Rodriguez, is pretty pleasant.  In many ways this is the “opposite version” of Principal Dumples.


          In Act II we explore more of Thomas M. Edward’s character, although he is still pretty raw.  Reggie returns to his role as Doug’s sidekick for a while, but the last act returns us to the plotline where Doug and Honey are trying to fix-up Reggie and Trixie.


Return to “One Night in Corpus” Main Page


January 8, 2004

One Night in Corpus Christi
“As I walk…you know where!”
Written by Capt J.E. Carrales, III
Click Here to visit the "One Night in Corpus Christi" Web page!


(Opening Organ Music Theme Song)

Narrator: "Good Afternoon, Ladies and Gentleman, RADIO STATION KEYS and Carrales Studios Productions proudly present “One Night in Corpus Christi.”(music swells)

In a moment we’ll see what’s happening in Corpus Christi but first… Are you tired of getting incorrect change at the grocery store? (sound of coins) Does it really make you mad when someone runs a red light, directly into your new car? (tire squealing and car crash) Well, then you need to visit and join the Corpus Christi Society for the Elimination of Stupidity. Help us eliminate the unpleasantness of stupidity once and for all, remember our motto…the stupid are a danger for everyone!. Now back to the show!

(Organ music swells)

NARRATOR: (lightening striking/thunder clap) “Standing like a vast Ivory Tower deep in the heart of Corpus Christi is a building that few teachers seldom see but whose summons strike fear into the hearts of even the most seasoned educator, (lightening striking/thunder clap) the CCISD School Administration Building. It is a solid edifice with rows of doors and offices of nameless administrators where it is rumored that even the janitors rank highest above the lonely teacher. And in this fiefdom, somewhere, lies the office of the dreaded…Superintendent of Schools. A position held by some of the most corrupt and, ironically, by those who have been quite just. (lightening striking/thunder clap) Today, on a cold Thursday afternoon, our hero stands at the foot of the step that lead into this uncharted land.”

(Knock, knock, Knock)

Douglas: “Excuse me, Sir?”

Security Guard Buddy Garcia: (clearing throat) “Yeah, what is it?”

Douglas: “Yes, I’m looking for the office of the Superintendent.”

Security Guard Buddy Garcia: “Listen, Mac, the Superintendent don’t see any one without an appointment. Who are you and what do you do for the school?”

Douglas: “Well, I’m a teacher and my name is… (interputed)

Security Guard Buddy Garcia: (surprised) “A teacher? Here? At the Administration Building? Well, I guess anything is possible.”

Douglas: “ Well, I guess! I’m Douglas McKillyou, from Corpus Christi High School. Principal Herman Dumples made an appointment for me to see Superintendent Rodriguez at 3:00. It 2:54 now?

Security Guard Buddy Garcia: (excited) “Sure, your on the list. Why didn’t you say so, now that’s a horse of a different color? Just follow this hall until you hit the first intersection, and then go three doors down until your reach his first antechamber. Then ask for directions there.”

Douglas: “Uh…? Thank you.”

Security Guard Buddy Garcia: “When you see him, let him know that Buddy Garcia, his old college friend said hi!”

Douglas: “You went to college? And you work as a security guard here?”

Security Guard Buddy Garcia: “Yeah, I used to be Assistant Superintendent of Public Relations.”

Douglas: “What happened?”

Security Guard Buddy Garcia: “Well, it’s a long story. I angered a past Superintendent of Schools and he promoted me to Assistant Superintendent of Curriculum Development. Then did away with my position. Rather than buy out my contract, that said I would be guaranteed employment no matter what, they placed me in this role until further notice. It was either that, or quit. ”

Douglas: “O.K. Well, I gotta be going.”

Security Guard Buddy Garcia: (pleading) “Yeah, but remember that name…its Buddy Garcia! Please, don’t forget to mention my name!”

(while walking down the hall)

Douglas: (to himself) “That certainly wasn’t reassuring.”

Shelly Bowden: (from her desk) “Hello, Sir, can I help you.”

Douglas: “Yes, I’m looking for Superintendent Rodriguez’ Office?”

Shelly Bowden: “Well, this is it. Are you Douglas McKillyou?”

Douglas: “Yes.”

Shelly Bowden: “I know you. You’re the guy from the news! You’re the guy that killed that other guy in his house. I saw it last night on KYYY TV. What happened? Did you blow that guy away? Did you hang him like a tire swing in your garage?”

Douglas: “Er…no. It was nothing like that?”

Shelly Bowden: “Ah…it’s just that we here at admin have a pool going as to see what your modus operandi was. The Television didn’t give ant details and our imagination is running wild!”

Douglas: “Oh swell! Listen, I don’t mean to be rude, but don’t you up here have better things to do than play CLUE with my life?”

Shelly Bowden: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be insensitive. Go right on in, Superintendent Rodriguez is ready to speak with you.”

(Sound of Door Opening)

Superintendent Rodriguez: “Ah, yes. Mr. McKillyou, please… come on in and have a seat. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”

Douglas: “Thank you, Sir. I really don’t know what to say about…well, any of this.”

Superintendent Rodriguez: “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I know that that wrongful death suit that burglar filed against you on behalf of his dead burglar friend will not come to fruition.”

Douglas: “I’m glad that you have confidence in me, Sir. Everyone else thinks I’m on the hook for murdering someone.”

Superintendent Rodriguez: “Too bad! The reason you are here has nothing to do with that, Mr. McKillyou, it has everything to do with your behavior toward Mr. Dumples, your Principal.”

Douglas: “Sir, Principal Dumples’ claims are unfounded. I have done noting to… (interrupted)”

Superintendent Rodriguez: “No need to go on the defensive, I totally agree.”

Douglas: (surprised) “You do, Sir?”

Superintendent Rodriguez: “Yes, Dumples is a later-day Prima Donna. I was aware of this when I took over from my predecessor, Superintendent Withers. Dumples and Withers are cut from the same cloth. Two ambitious juggernauts who spend their time poised at the top. The only difference is that Withers actually made it to the top, at least for a while. Mr. McKillyou, this is all in confidence, yes?”

Douglas: “Of Course, Sir.”

Superintendent Rodriguez: “Your Principal Dumples is a shrewd politician and was advancing down the chessboard of this school like a White Queen. He orchestrated the removal of Superintendent Withers. Withers was outfoxed! What happens to a boy wonder when he grows up? He is forced to wonder if he is a man! Dumples was more than sure that he could fill Withers place.”

Douglas: “Let me guess, he was wrong.”

Superintendent Rodriguez: “Withers was most definitely corrupt, in every way you could think. A week before Withers resigned, I got word from Councilman Harmony Kubrick that a position was opening up. Councilman Willow was pushing for Dumples. They fought it out and pulled their collective strings on the school board. In the end, Dumples, who thought he had it in the bag, failed the interview and…voila…I was granted the position.”

Douglas: “So, you feel you got the job based on your own skills, rather than by political de facto appointment?”

Superintendent Rodriguez: “Yes! You see, Mr. McKillyou, ambition is not always a bad thing. I’m sure you wake up with ambition each day; to do your job and protect you loved ones. To better one’s life is what all men should strive for. But the type of ambition that manifests itself in Herman Dumples is an abomination to mankind. Dumples is a leach and pariah, a parasitic thing that destroys all good in its path replacing it with only another stepping stone for the top! That is why I called you here in person.”

Douglas: “I…I don’t like to play politics here at the school, Sir.”

Superintendent Rodriguez: “Douglas, I don’t want you to. I have read your files and seen your work. You have the heart of a teacher. You joke with the students and make it fun; they in turn prosper and grow from the relationship you create. Dumples resents you for your successes. He is after my position and feels that if I don’t act on your insubordination issue, he can take me before the school board and have me suspended. I will not do that!”

Douglas: “What then, Sir? Do you want this to go to the school board?”

Superintendent Rodriguez: “Yes, you and I are going to strike a blow against Dumples! I am a firm believer in the ‘truth’ of an issue. The facts are that you are an effective teacher and are being harassed by this overzealous and vainglorious tyrant. When you are in the right, who can stop you?”

Douglas: “You’d be surprised, Sir. After all, this is Corpus Christi were talking about, where the good guy doesn’t seem to win in the end…but he still sure finishes last.”

(music swells and fades)


NARRATOR: “Imagine that, finding an unlikely ally in the Superintendent, truly a friend in a high place. But, what woe! Douglas makes his way to the law office of Thomas M. Edwards, attorney at law. Never are these thing easy or pleasant, but our hero makes his way to said office where he is greeted by none other than Reggie Parkinson, his neighbor and City Councilman extraordinaire.”

(meeting in a hallway)

Douglas: (surprised) “Reggie! What on earth are you doing here?”

Reggie: “Well, old buddy, I let a bit of city business go for a while to have a support my old friend! Got pretty cold today didn’t it?”

Douglas: “Well, that’s nice of you to make time for me and the temperature did drip a few degrees this afternoon.”

Reggie: “Thanks. By the way, I was wondering if I could catch a lift home with you when you leave.”

Douglas: “Oh, I see! Just like Kodak… I can see your true colors shining through!” (laughs)

(sound of door opening)

Thomas M. Edwards: (talking on the phone in somewhat subdued in the background) “Sorry, that is unacceptable. We have to have that Will go through ASAP! Hold it, Wes, I have another call…”

Douglas: “Tom, is such a busy man. It was sure nice of him to take my case.”

Reggie: “Nah, Tom is a good guy that’s all. He isn’t even going to charge you much. He handles most people’s cases for really reasonable rates. He’s only became rich because people have such faith in his ability that he gets a huge work load.”

Douglas: “Are you sure we’re talking about a lawyer here.”

Reggie: “Tom is also an old friend of the family. He helped my father when that guy was suing him for our house.”

Douglas: “Well, he is sure restoring my faith in the legal field, much unlike that Lorelei Carlisle.”

Reggie: “You know; I dated Lorelei Carlisle when we were in high school.”

Douglas: “Really? Did you ever think she would become a lawyer?”

Reggie: “No, but I did review her briefs.” (laughs)

Douglas: “Oh dear God, Reggie. That was just too corny!”

Reggie: “No, I really did date her, Seriously!”

(sound of putting down phone)

Thomas M. Edwards: “Hey, Doug, welcome. How did your meeting with the Superintendent go?”

Douglas: “Very fruitful, Mr. Edwards.”

Thomas M. Edwards: “Doug, call me Tom. I’ve been reviewing the motions filed by Lorelei Carlisle and that blasted interloper Percival Willow. It seems that they are really going after you.”

Douglas: “What else is new?”

Thomas M. Edwards: “They are suing for a sum of $500,000 for wrongful death and $400,000 for pain and suffering of an aggrieved friend. That’s $900,000, with a 100,000 legal fees stipend. That’s a cool million! And its also very ridiculous, but these Liberal lawyers will try anything to get their point across… and make a buck.”

Douglas: “Are our chances good?”

Thomas M. Edwards: “We have a good chance of beating the wrongful death suit, but these bleeding-hearts have a tendency extract money for pain and suffering.”

Reggie: “look on the bright side, Doug, Tom has cut you losses in half!”

Douglas: “Reggie, I’m a teacher. A sum like a single $100,000 dollars is more than I make in five years. It is a sum whose summit I cannot see. Half of infinity is still infinity!”

Thomas M. Edwards: “Don’t worry so, Doug. We will make it through this. Already I have several amicus curia briefs that have been filed on your behalf. ”

Douglas: “Amicus curia? What’s that?.”

Thomas M. Edwards: “It means “friends of the court,” Councilman Parkinson here has filed one on your behest as has someone named Omar Rodriguez. Is that the Superintendent of CCISD?”

Douglas: “Yes, I just met with him an hour ago.”

Thomas M. Edwards: “These testaments to your character will prove very helpful to your case. The police reports are also very favorable, all except for this one by Officer Kings. It is being dropped because it is…incoherent at best.”

Douglas: “Yop, that sound’s like Kings.”

Thomas M. Edwards: “What I need from you, Doug, is a full description of that night’s events. Here…”

(handing Doug an appliance)

Douglas: “What’s this?”

Thomas M. Edwards: “This is a tape-less sound recorder. Take it with you and I’ll pick it up next week before the trial. It looks like were on Judge Rhoder’s docket for Thursday. Your getting a generic jury practically assigned to this case.”

Douglas: “Is that a good thing?”

Thomas M. Edwards: “Well, your trial will be speedy.”

Douglas: "Haste makes waste, Tom.”

Reggie: “Don’t be alarmed by any of this, just have faith in the system.”

Douglas: “Reggie, I teach this in school. How can you expect me to have faith in the system. I know this is bullshit, but no one else seems to get it. Think about it, I’m being sued by Corpus Christi’s version of Gloria Allred and her assistant, the Prince of Darkness, Percy Willow because a burglar had a heart attack when he caught me an my wife making love in our own bedroom!”

Reggie: “Is that what you were doing?” (laughs)

Douglas: "God, I’m surprised you don’t know or haven’t read about it in our ‘Award Winning’ newspaper.”

Thomas M. Edwards: “The counter suit also has a good chance!”

Douglas: "Tom, thanks for everything. I’m not lying when I say you are unique among attorneys.”

Thomas M. Edwards: “Oh, I nearly forgot! When I was on the phone just now I got a beep from Michelle Donalds. ”

Douglas: (excited) "You mean the producer of the Derrick Von Ray Show.”

Thomas M. Edwards: “Yes, she wants to book you for early next week. Derrick is turning out to be one of your best supporters out there. I think it’s a good chance to undo the damage Carlisle and Willow did with their media blitz!”

Douglas: (excited) "I’m sold, that’s my favorite radio talk show. Just tell me where and when to go!”

Thomas M. Edwards: “Monday is the best day, I’ll have Michelle call you and set up the arrangements! Well, Gents, this has been a cool million for us… I’ll drop by your house at the end of the week to pick up the recorder. Now, don’t forget to record your deposition.”

Douglas: “No, that’d be criminal. You can pick it up on Monday after the show!”

Reggie: “See ya’ later, Tom. Maybe golf sometime?”

Thomas M. Edwards: “Sure, after this trial and if the weather straightens out. Bye!”

Douglas: “Have a good one, Tom. Bye.”

(sound of door closing and walking away)

Reggie: “Well, that went outstandingly.”

Douglas: “Yup, I’ll certainly be glad to get home!”

Reggie: “Uh, could you…uh…take a small detour?”

Douglas: “Where?”

Reggie: “Do you feel like a donut?”

Douglas: “Damn it, Reggie, Kreamy Krisp Donuts is all the way across town.”

Reggie: “O.K. I guess I could do with out one…”

(sound of car door opening, car driving)

(short Period of no dialog)

Douglas: (frustrated and giving in) "Alright, just since you’ve been a good friend this week!”

Reggie: “Oh, Doug, thanks! You’re the best!”

Douglas: (surprised) “Well, what are friends for?”

(Music swells)


NARRATOR: “Two major meetings in one day, ouch! Doug and Reggie soon zoomed across town and then back to their home, 4270 and 4272 Topeka St. There Doug kissed his wife and retired to his easy chair for a few minutes of television before their evening meal.”

Douglas: "Honey, I have some exciting news!”

Honey: “Who’s’ suing you now?” (laughs)

Douglas: “No, were going to be on the radio?”

Honey: “Oh, did you and Reggie cut an album or what?” (laughs)

Douglas: “No, Derrick Von Wade wants me to be on his show and I think you should go with me.”

Honey: “Douglas, you know I work. Don’t you?”

Douglas: “Yes, but please take the day off.”

Honey: “I’m tempted, I’ll ask Mr. Mathews at the bank.”

Douglas: “I wonder where the radio station is?”

Honey: “Duh, you had better find out because you are going to sound pretty dumb talking on the radio if your not there!”

Douglas: “Oh, now I see…a comedian! All the comedy of the Improv and the bust line of Roseanne”

(Loud Slap)

Douglas: “Ouch! What was that for?”

Honey: “All the sarcasm of Jeff Foxworthy and the endowment of a can of Libby Vienna sausages!” (laughs)

Douglas: “Is that roast I smell?”

Honey: “Yeah, Trixie and Reggie are coming over for dinner. They should be here soon.”

Douglas: "It feels weird actually inviting those two. They always seem to invite themselves.”

Honey: “Well, they are our best friends and we do plan to get them together. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like dinner with friends. Its such a wonderful affair!”

Douglas: "Affairs? …Wonderful? Oh Man, Honey, we have a problem!”

Honey: “What…Mr. Winkie can’t get up again?”

Douglas: “God, this is serious! Its Reggie! I nearly for got about his affair with Greta Wunderkind!”

Honey: “That old hag! Isn’t she like 70 or something!”

Douglas: “She’s 57!”

Honey: “I’m gonna gag! She’s way to old for him. Does he love her?”

Douglas: “Nah…It seems like casual office sex, but you know Reggie. Remember that time his dog died and he cried for weeks.”

Honey: “This throws a hitch in our plan, but we can deal with it if you can convince him to break it off with that old bat.”

Douglas: “Alright, just leave it to me. Reggie will see the light, even if it kills him!”

(knock, knock, knock, knock)

Douglas: "Shhh, it’s them! I don’t want them to think we talk about their personal affairs.”

(door opening)

Douglas: "Hey, Reggie... My Trixie you look splendid this evening.”

Reggie: “Hey, thanks for the invite!”

Trixie: “Yeah, Honey, this is great. Its like we’re all adults!” (giggling)

Douglas: "Trixie, we are adults.”

Trixie: “Oh Yeah, sometimes I forget. I like to keep young at heart.” (giggling)

Douglas: “Good for you, personally I hated being a kid. All those rules, having to go to school and all that homework!”

Honey: “Doug, that’s what you still do!” (laughs)

Douglas: “Well, lets sit down. Honey, how’s the roast coming.”

Honey: (From the kitchen) “Oh, its Greta…I mean its, great. Everything is Wunderkind…uh…I mean…wonderful!”

Reggie: “What?”

Douglas: (frustrated) “Oh, Honey!”

(music plays)

NARRATOR: "Thank you and good night folks. Be sure to tune in next week to, "One Night in Corpus." Remember to read “The Highs and Lows of Pimps and Hoes,” a lovely accounting of problem of prostitution in Corpus Christi by Dr. Don Nau. Have a good one… (applause)

(Music ends)