One Night in Corpus Christi
"The Best Introduction: Bar None”
Written by Capt J.E. Carrales, III

ACT I

(Opening Organ Music Theme Song)

Narrator: ""CARRALES STUDIOS PRODUCTIONS proudly presents...One Night in Corpus Christi (music swells)…One man’s brand of political and social commentary on South Texas living.(music swells) brought to you by the Corpus Christi Society for the Elimination of Stupidity.

(Organ music swells and dies, catchy uplifting music)

NARRATOR: Greetings my well educated and entertainment starved friends, I want to welcome you to an excellent place where dreams come true almost as many times as they are dashed against the rocks! A place where even the lowest can rise and the greatest can fall! The name of this magic place...Corpus Christi, Texas! (audience scoffs)

We begin our adventures in a little known, yet well packed, bar in a not so rundown part of Corpus Christi. There we find a strange mix of folks, who over the years have become friends.

Let’s let them introduce themselves, shall we!!

Gilbert Glenn: “Well, I don’t know about you…but the view in there is great. I’ve never seen so many women on the loose!”

NARRATOR: Ah yes, the ever predatory and…well horny, associate of our hero. A man whose only questionable trait is his ethics. He is, of course, a Pastor. In fact, the Pastor of the Sunnyside United Reformed Church of Our Lady of Eternal Gladness, Corpus Christi Synod, the Church who accepts anyone…that is anyone’s money! A very liberal pastor in terms of religions, but a very conservative man in terms of thievery! (laughs) But let’s move on…

Sammy Stanford: “Gee-wiz! …and you call yourself a Pastor!!! Its more like Loose women on the Loose!”

Gilbert Glenn: “I‘m only a pastor on Sunday, Sam!”

Sammy Stanford: “Well!!! That is why I’m not religious!”

NARRATOR: Then there is Sam, the forever skeptic! The local curmudgeon whose refreshing daily dose of verbal vinegar provides a quick return to reality. Who else have we in the bar…

Ricardo Herrera: “Demonio! You guys will burn in hell for sure with your blasphemous talk!!”

Sammy Stanford: “Would that be “Catholic Hell” or “Protestant Hell” or the hell Pastor Glenn is trying buy his way into?”

Gilbert Glenn: “Hey, we at the Sunnyside United Reformed…em…Our Lady of Eternal Gladness, Corpus…uh…(pause) …we at my church… (interrupted)”

Ricardo Herrera: “Pendejo! You can‘t even remember the name of your sham church!”

NARRATOR: Ricardo “Ricky” Herrera; truthful, honest and quite a sober alcoholic. Always behind his beliefs, when not blinded by the tip of a glass, the ventilation of a miniskirt or the passage of a load of Bullshit! But his alcoholic state is not his alone, for this night he, his associates and our hero are well in the “non-religious” spirit! And that leaves us with…

Douglas MacKilroy: (slurred speech) “Guys, Guys please! I spend these evenings with you to get away from the fights!”

Ricardo Herrera: "What are you talking about? You have the shortest leash of us all! Best looking wife though!”

Pastor Gilbert Glenn: “Yes, Honey, has you on a choke chain! I knew when you said you were feeling blue, it was from lack of oxygen!”

Douglas MacKilroy: “Its not that bad…is it! (burp)”

Sammy Stanford: “Take it from me, I‘m the expert on marriage! 5 wives can‘t all be right!”

Douglas MacKilroy: “You are as much a Marriage Counselor, as Glenn is a Pastor!”

NARRATOR: Yes, Douglas MacKilroy! We catch him in the process of putting both feet in his mouth. Yes, in an ironic sense, that is what makes him our hero. Besides causing his own problems, he is able to deal with the regular stuff that hits use in the face each day! Now, our verbal contortionist will now perform his feat of feets!

Pastor Gilbert Glenn: “You think its so easy?!”

Douglas MacKilroy: “How hard can it be?”

Pastor Gilbert Glenn: “OK, your up! Tomorrow, bright and early! I’ll be at the green! No one tees off Pastor Glenn, and gets away with it!”

Douglas MacKilroy: “Your on!”

(MUSIC SWELLS)

NARRATOR: "Oh, well. Another good man falls to calls of Alcohol! I guess that is why they invent plot! Be sure tune in next time to, "One Night in Corpus Christi!" This has been brought to you by the Corpus Christi Atheist Choir Boys, be sure to buy their new C-D album… Nothing to Sing about!

Disclaimer: Characters and events depicted in this Radio Drama are fictional, any relation or resemblance to anyone living or deceased is coincidental .